20/08/2013
不忠的災難性後果
Mei Ling
Mei Ling
廖吳美玲Mei Ling,做為電視真人騷《盛女愛作戰》幕後顧問一夜爆紅,因其經驗豐富,點評中肯直接,且手握優質筍盤無數,被譽為鑽石媒人,備受好評。其創立的香港婚姻介紹所Hong Kong Matchmakers。
Mei Ling曾於紐約婚姻介紹學院就讀,成為美、德註冊婚配師,創立香港婚姻介紹所,有別於其他婚介所,Mei Ling所設門檻很高,專為香港單身高學歷人士作婚姻配對,創辦16年,成功撮合的高層男女不下數百對。
Mei Ling曾於世界頂級大企業任要職,包括貿發局法蘭克福貿易顧問等。曾獲歐盟市場開拓及業務發展比賽冠軍,成為首位女性及華人獲得此殊榮。亦曾創立自己的時裝生意,在高峰時賣盤。
著有《How to Find A Husband》。 Man Manual, Navigating Relationships鑽石媒人Mei Ling
上一次我們講到藉著思考的力量,把思想從「現在」延伸至未來,想想出軌會導致的嚴重結果,這是抵抗誘惑的最佳方法。「思想控制」是指人們為循規蹈矩,因而控制自己的思想和情緒,但大家不要與「抑遏思想」和「禁果假說」混為一談,因為完全是兩回事!
哈佛大學心理學教授Daniel Wanger和抑遏思想研究之父,以及其思維控制學說,總結出當人抑遏某種思想,更會令該思想更強烈。換句話說,我們愈不想讓自己想起某些人/事,我們便愈想它。
在2011年,肯特大學心理學教授納森博士進行了3項研究,更在《人格與心理學雜誌》發表了研究結果。他著名的「禁果假說」,總結出當我們愈抑制自己不做某樣東西,我們愈想去做。
簡單來說,不要和自己說:「我不想再掛念我的情夫/情婦」或「我不會再濫交」。因為這樣說只會適得其反,導致災難性的結果!
有兩個不忠的故事講給大家聽。
秦始皇
秦始皇這個皇帝,為中國華夏文化作出了不少重要貢獻,例如統一中國、統一語言,更推行了不少重要的政治和經濟改革。雖然如此,他本人卻異常暴戾和冷酷無情。自小接受的教育令他有著極高的道德標準。不幸的是他母親趙姬非常荒淫無道,有很多情夫,例如呂不韋和嫪毐更有兩個私生子。
現代學者愛以秦始皇的事例作研究,對秦始皇來說,母親的荒淫行為令他非常痛苦,內心憤怒,生氣時更會大發雷霆,其後更變得極度暴戾。他毫不尊重女人,從不設皇后之位,他駕崩後4 年,秦朝便滅亡。
埃及艷后
歷史著名的「埃及艷后 」克里奧帕特拉,和古羅馬政治家、軍事家馬克‧安東尼發生了姦情。馬克‧安東尼更為了克里奧帕特拉,與妻子離婚。他妻子的兄長屋大維一怒之下,率領大批羅馬將軍攻打埃及,最後馬克‧安東尼身亡,克里奧帕特拉亦自殺。有野史說屋大維在克里奧帕特拉的墳墓,挖出她雙眼和所有她的立像作詛咒,以示她永不能看到埃及重振江山的一天。
雖然我們不知這野史是真是假,但我們有兩點可以確實,就是(a)古埃及語(象形符號)是高智語言,它早在公元前83年分為表意符號和音標符號,但古埃及語未被後人發揚發光大,現在的埃及人已經沒有自己的語言,他們現在使用阿拉伯語溝通。(b)在整個埃及史中,統治者都是外國人,例如羅馬人、希臘人、阿拉伯人,埃及只有過去的風光,從此不振。
如果趙姬和克里奧帕特拉知道自己的風流行為,會導致災難性的結果,她們可能不會出軌,歷史可能會改寫。
科學研究指出,自我控制會影響葡萄糖水平,當你自我控制時,葡萄糖會下降至最佳水平以下,所以當你下次想自我控制時,多喝含葡萄糖的飲品,便可有助你抵抗誘惑!
(按:中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本)
Infidelity (2):Serious Consequences
Last time we talked about using the power of the mind as an effective deterrent to temptation by extending one’s thoughts into serious future consequences. "Mental control" refers to the ways in which people control their thoughts and emotions in order to discipline their actions, let’s not mix it up with "Thought Suppression" or the "Forbidden Fruit Hypothesis" which are something else altogether!
Daniel Wegner, a psychology professor at Harvard University and the founding father of thought suppression research and the "ironic process model"concludes that suppressing thoughts about something will lead that thing to become even more salient. In other words, the more we try not to think about something, the more we think about it.
In 2011, Dr. Nathan Dewall of University of Kentucky conducted three experiments and published his findings in《the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology》,whereby he established his famous "forbidden fruit hypothesis" which concludes that the more we are not supposed to do something the stronger the desire to do so.
In brief, stop telling yourself "I shall stop thinking about Miss/Mr. Adulterer…" or that "I shouldn’t be going to the striptease…" because such mantra will only backfire. Instead think of the grave consequences!
Let’s look at two stories of infidelity which brought on exceedingly serious consequences:
Emperor Ch‘in Shih Huang
Our First Emperor had made significant contributions. He unified China and our language and implemented major political & economic reforms. However, he was also excessively brutal and cruel. The Emperor was educated by erudite and venerable scholars, he had high standards of morals, but unfortunately his mother Zhào Jī was promiscuous and had many lovers, most notably, Lü Buwei & Lào ǎi] , with whom she even had two illegitimate children.
Modern day psychologists like to take Emperor Ch’in as a case study. It is no secret that his mother’s disgraceful behaviour caused him a lot of pain. He internalized a great deal of anger and spewed venom when provoked, hence his immense brutality... He had no respect for women and never took an Empress, his great dynasty ended just four years after his death.
Queen Cleopatra
Cleopatra’s affair with Mark Anthony led him to divorce his wife which so infuriated her brother Octavius he led the powerful Roman army and crushed the Egyptians. Mark Anthony died and Cleopatra committed suicide. Rumors have it that Octavius also put a curse on Cleopatra’s tomb by gouging out her eyeballs from her tombstone and from all her statues so that Egypt will never rise again.
We do not know whether this rumor with the curse is true or false, but two things we do know: (a) The ancient Egyptian language the Hieroglyph was a highly intelligent language already divided into ideograms and phonograms as early as 83BC and yet it never evolved. The Egyptians do not even have a language of their own today, they use Arabic.(b) Throughout most part of Egyptian history, they have been ruled by foreigners: Romans, Greeks, Arabs… Egypt’s grandeur lies strictly in the past.
Wonder if only Emperor Chin’s mother and Cleopatra knew the grave consequences of their philandering, history might look very different today?
Scientific research shows that self-control is highly susceptible to glucose. A single act of self-control causes glucose to drop below optimal levels. So next time, when you desperately need to exert self-control, try consuming a large glucose drink and defeat temptation!
樂本健【年度感謝祭】維柏健及natural Factors全線2件7折► 了解詳情